This post is now available in the ‘Life with an Autistic Son’ ebook available to download from Amazon.
Reminds me of the time I was making tea. Looked at child no1 with ASD and said ‘Why is your mouth bleeding?’ answer – he was chewing the end of a Bic razor. Took both children (I wonder why I didn’t lock myself in a cupboard until the idea of taking two autistic children to a works bbq had passed) to husband’s works bbq. Not sure what upset me the most, child no1 snapping his wrist strap and hot footing it out of the gazebo or the three midwitch cuckoos sitting with their parents, ages 2/4/6 all eating beautifully with knifes and forks or finding child no1 fifteen feet in the air, hanging over the dunking pool of water three minutes later? Of course child no1 is now 24 and can’t remember what he did or cringes with horror at the idea yet can’t explain why he did it. It has put him off ever having children of his own too. Same for child no2 – ‘I am never ever having children, they might be as autistic as me!’ she said in horror. ‘And I haven’t got your patience’ she said.
It is a hard thing to do but we eventually stopped taking child no2 out for several years because it was too much for her. She can cope now but still struggles with queues, crying children, wood pigeons, laughing children, hunger, doing something she isn’t interested in etc.
She took her first exam this week. I sat there with the autism woman, SALT as she answered the questions when she suddenly said ‘hey mum, this is easier than yesterdays exam’. Afterwards I said ‘you know you can’t talk in exams don’t you?’ she replied ‘yes but I got away with it, didn’t I’.
They drive you potty but they make you laugh x
Your comments about pain threshold struck a chord – when H was in year 1 I got a phone call from the school ‘ We think H has hurt himself – we’re not sure. He’s obviously in pain, but not overly distressed’. Arrived at school to find him in a TA’s arms, ashen faced and sweating, but not crying. An X-ray revealed a spiral fracture of his leg – the sort rugby players get, apparently. A child had fallen on him in the playground – and yes, he had a 1:1 TA too, who I expect had been doing that neglectful blinking thing. Because he hadn’t behaved in a way consistent with a broken limb, they’d let him walk in from the playground. I don’t blame them, but do think that schools (and doctors) sometimes need to be more clued up about the range of autistic responses to pain.
Our daughter L has Crohn’s. She went a year with a bowel lesion so severe it would have crippled most people but she just said ‘eeewee’ a couple of times. Thankfully the hospital knew a lot about autism so when they gave her a ultrasound and discovered the lesion, they operated straight away. She woke from the op and said ‘I’m not in pain now’ bless her. We have to be their advocates as we know if they are in pain. xx
Phew, it is a tough one. Nick doesn’t understand how to communicate for when he is in pain. It is all such a guessing game. Hope you manage to find another pub that is a little bit more stress free.
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