ToM (Theory of Mind)

Posted on March 23, 2013 by B's Dad

This post is now available in the ‘Life with an Autistic Son’ ebook available to download from Amazon.

This entry was posted in asd, aspergers, autism and tagged asd, aspergers, autism, disability, parenting, special needs. Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to ToM (Theory of Mind)

Lynn says:

March 23, 2013 at 5:49 pm

Interesting article..thank you

Maybe “get” really is a ToM…

Do you do this often? “get” him and chase?

It seems as if you both totally understand and enjoy what each will enjoy in that action…..
Just curious..did he/you always “get” it that this “get” and “chase” was an enjoyable pleasurable time?….or did you have to build to the joy?

I do know that not all little kids do….

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- B's Dad says:
  
  March 26, 2013 at 5:06 am
  
  It is a more recent development, although I think B’s desire for interaction has been developing well for some time. I used to think he was using us as facilitators for whatever he wanted, but increasingly he wants to show us stuff and have us involved in what he is doing. As long as we stay on his wavelength and show interest only in what he is doing, he does connect increasingly well.
  
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StephsTwoGirls says:

March 23, 2013 at 8:26 pm

we’re masters of keeping the peace over here too, and I always feel guilty that myeldest girl doesn’t have an NT sibling who will play ‘fairly’ with her rather than dictate everything. My ASD girl definitely doesn’t have the ability to understand others or where she fits in with the world really.
p.s. have you been into the school with a breathalyser yet??!

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- B's Dad says:
  
  March 26, 2013 at 5:09 am
  
  We’ve worked out that the ‘village idiot’ and ‘drunk’ labels came from seeing the stocks at Warwick Castle (which have those words written on them). A few weeks ago B missed a school trip to the castle through illness. Just as well, really!
  
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Anxious Mother says:

March 24, 2013 at 4:20 pm

Everyone has to learn ToM. It’s not something your born with so maybe B’s ToM is developing slower than others. Like you say, a lot of so-called ToM is actually about reading non verbal clues, which most children with the ASD label failed to learn during infancy. That doesn’t mean they can’t learn to read non verbal communication later on.
Your example about denying the accident reminds me of my son. But I think there’s a mixture of shame and control going on in emotionally charged situations like soiled trousers.
For me, commenting on how fat people are is great – at least he’s noticing people. Would you worry if a two year old made the same comment?

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- B's Dad says:
  
  March 26, 2013 at 5:12 am
  
  You’re right- this is a developmental delay and he will, of course, develop further. I do wonder though, where delay ends and impairment begins. Will he still, as a teenager or young adult, have the same difficulties?
  
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  - Anxious Mother says:
    
    March 27, 2013 at 11:33 am
    
    I think ToM is something that we can keep developing throughout our lives. Here’s a hopeful study: http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1532-7078.2012.00125.x/full
Rebecca Mitchell says:

March 25, 2013 at 1:49 pm

I’m a bit slow to get round to post reading at the moment but I’m glad I read this one as it had me rolling around snorting with laughter as always 🙂

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- B's Dad says:
  
  March 26, 2013 at 5:14 am
  
  Thank you. Any more blog posts on the way from you?
  
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alesiablogs says:

March 25, 2013 at 8:00 pm

You do not want to know how many times my autistic son has barged into my shower time! You know it is par for the course. He does not care if I am naked or not..If he has something to say-he is gonna say it no matter where I am at. He will find me!! lol

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B's Dad says:

March 26, 2013 at 5:16 am

And of course a lock on the bathroom door is a crisis waiting to happen when he locks himself in!

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Alan says:

April 2, 2013 at 7:58 am

Great blogging. Whenever I think of my son as an adult I often picture Sheldon from the big bang theory. He lacks the ability to pick up on social queues. In one episode with his girlfriend he is asked to say something meaningful and responds with a very touching statement. When she tells him it was beautiful he responds “It should be its from Spiderman the Movie”. This response although very funny was not intended to be from Sheldon and sums up my sons own lack of perspective for others. As far as he was concerned he was asked to say something moving and he did that, but it lacked the feelings behind those words.

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