ToM (Theory of Mind)

This post is now available in the ‘Life with an Autistic Son’ ebook available to download from Amazon.

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12 Responses to ToM (Theory of Mind)

  1. Lynn says:

    Interesting article..thank you

    Maybe “get” really is a ToM…

    Do you do this often? “get” him and chase?

    It seems as if you both totally understand and enjoy what each will enjoy in that action…..
    Just curious..did he/you always “get” it that this “get” and “chase” was an enjoyable pleasurable time?….or did you have to build to the joy?

    I do know that not all little kids do….

    • B's Dad says:

      It is a more recent development, although I think B’s desire for interaction has been developing well for some time. I used to think he was using us as facilitators for whatever he wanted, but increasingly he wants to show us stuff and have us involved in what he is doing. As long as we stay on his wavelength and show interest only in what he is doing, he does connect increasingly well.

  2. StephsTwoGirls says:

    we’re masters of keeping the peace over here too, and I always feel guilty that myeldest girl doesn’t have an NT sibling who will play ‘fairly’ with her rather than dictate everything. My ASD girl definitely doesn’t have the ability to understand others or where she fits in with the world really.
    p.s. have you been into the school with a breathalyser yet??!

    • B's Dad says:

      We’ve worked out that the ‘village idiot’ and ‘drunk’ labels came from seeing the stocks at Warwick Castle (which have those words written on them). A few weeks ago B missed a school trip to the castle through illness. Just as well, really!

  3. Everyone has to learn ToM. It’s not something your born with so maybe B’s ToM is developing slower than others. Like you say, a lot of so-called ToM is actually about reading non verbal clues, which most children with the ASD label failed to learn during infancy. That doesn’t mean they can’t learn to read non verbal communication later on.
    Your example about denying the accident reminds me of my son. But I think there’s a mixture of shame and control going on in emotionally charged situations like soiled trousers.
    For me, commenting on how fat people are is great – at least he’s noticing people. Would you worry if a two year old made the same comment?

  4. I’m a bit slow to get round to post reading at the moment but I’m glad I read this one as it had me rolling around snorting with laughter as always🙂

  5. alesiablogs says:

    You do not want to know how many times my autistic son has barged into my shower time! You know it is par for the course. He does not care if I am naked or not..If he has something to say-he is gonna say it no matter where I am at. He will find me!! lol

  6. B's Dad says:

    And of course a lock on the bathroom door is a crisis waiting to happen when he locks himself in!

  7. Alan says:

    Great blogging. Whenever I think of my son as an adult I often picture Sheldon from the big bang theory. He lacks the ability to pick up on social queues. In one episode with his girlfriend he is asked to say something meaningful and responds with a very touching statement. When she tells him it was beautiful he responds “It should be its from Spiderman the Movie”. This response although very funny was not intended to be from Sheldon and sums up my sons own lack of perspective for others. As far as he was concerned he was asked to say something moving and he did that, but it lacked the feelings behind those words.

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