Anger Management

Posted on September 9, 2012 by B's Dad

This post is now available in the ‘Life with an Autistic Son’ ebook available to download from Amazon.

This entry was posted in asd, aspergers, autism and tagged asd, aspergers, autism, disability, parenting, special needs. Bookmark the permalink.

24 Responses to Anger Management

caffieneplease says:

September 9, 2012 at 4:22 am

Thank you for posting. My son says similar things when he’s upset as well.

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Rebecca Mitchell says:

September 9, 2012 at 6:49 am

I love your blog because your situation seems so similar to mine. My son started meltdowns again as soon as school started back after a summer which wasn’t all total harmony but didn’t contain a single fullblown meltdown. He makes a lot of violent comments and I feel guilty each time I find my mind wandering accidentally into thoughts that he might do any of what he says one day. Read my latest post. Not sure I handled it so well this time 😉 http://lovingmartians.com/2012/09/08/through-the-window-an-autism-adventure/

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Al says:

September 9, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Thank you, as always your timing is perfect! We had the new school term meltdown this morning! My son has amazed me this week with how well he has slotted into the school return and we had a lovely day yesterday. I didnt sleep so good last night, I think I had a sixth sense what was coming!! Oh ald Lol at best contraception ever 😉

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C says:

September 9, 2012 at 6:33 pm

My son is also five years old and is saying similar things (his favourite is you are doomed atm). We also have had difficulty in the mornings but works better for us than the afternoon. Thanks for posting!

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Bright Side of Life says:

September 9, 2012 at 8:51 pm

So true, there is always a reason behind the behaviour… it is all a matter of trying to figure it out! 🙂

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B's Dad says:

September 9, 2012 at 11:38 pm

Thanks for the comments everyone. You remind me that we’re not alone in all this. Here’s to a calm week.

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Zoe says:

September 10, 2012 at 1:57 pm

I get told I am a stupid cow and I don’t listen (even though I am merely asking for him to repeat something). I get told I am the worst mother and he hates me. Happy days!

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kerf78 says:

September 10, 2012 at 2:41 pm

This is very familiar sounding! I get told I’m a snail and a stinky git while tiny fists hit my hips, good times….

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Neil N says:

September 10, 2012 at 2:57 pm

Isn’t it amazing how, despite their communications struggles, our kids can sometimes say the most profound things? “I WANT TO MAKE A NEW WORLD” … spot on, kid. Hope you have a calm week.

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stephstwogirls says:

September 11, 2012 at 10:21 pm

His words may not have been the nicest, but I’m very impressed with the language and sentence formation!! Grandad probably learnt a bit more about his grandson and also about what you go through in those 20 minutes, so that’s never a bad thing. Funny timing again – I have ‘toyed’ with the idea of baby number 3 recently… but mainly along the thought process that I feel guilty our NT child doesn’t have an NT sibling, which is obviously not the best reason, and fortunately no-one can guarantee that anyhow 🙂

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B's Dad says:

September 11, 2012 at 10:40 pm

I once confided to a friend at work,during a pretty low moment, that I felt my wife was grieving for ‘the child that never was’. She suggested the solution might lie in having another child. At the time I thought it was an almost crass thing to say, as if we were writing off B and should ‘try again’. As time has passed, I’ve come to think that another child might be good for our eldest. But it’s too late and it’s too painful and I don’t think we would cope.
But then, I look at my children, and think about the happiness and joy they bring me, and I totally get why someone would welcome more of the same into their lives.
So, whilst I won’t be joining in, I urge everyone out there to go for it! Those future children will be very lucky to have parents who know what it is to love and stand by and fight for their children. They’ll be born to the very best parents.

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AspieSide says:

September 15, 2012 at 2:47 pm

Your post brings back very vivid memories. When my son was about 8 we started cognitive behavior therapy with a really good psychologist. We have had some really bad psychologists. But this particular one was very good and helped my son work on how to recognize the frustrations are occuring. For our son it was teaching him to advocate for himself and/or removing himself from the situation – safely. If we are somewhere loud getting him to either ask for iphone w headphones to watch youtube or whatever or for us to leave if that is an option. For him distractions work best. It was a long road to get where we are now. I remember when he was about 11 he got upset in school, flipped a desk over and quite elaborately described how he was going to kill himself. That almost ended in a hospital admission but I fought against it because I knew he didn’t really mean the words. His psychologist knew him well and talked to him and agreed even though he growled at her that week. He sometimes becomes non-verbal when upset. We had to work hard to get him to stop using those words and instead saying what he meant- that he was overwhelmed and wanted out of the situatiion. He is now 15 and has only said that type of thing maybe once in the past few years. He is now homeschooled and now says wants to drop out of school when becomes overwhelmed. Way better than what he used to say. Every kid is different & on their own timeline but I wanted you to know I have been where you are and we survived and worked and are in a better place now. I tell potential parents they need to really want children and be ready to invest time and money but it is worth it. But not to go into parenting thinking “ahh we weill have a cute & perfect baby & it will be all fun and rainbows” I love my son and we have a great time together but there is definitely work involved. .

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ModestyBrown says:

September 17, 2012 at 11:38 am

I found your post after a very bad school drop off this morning. Due to the staggered school starting times, I witnessed Son1 having a spectacular meltdown in the library just after I finished dropping off Son2. With chairs being thrown across the room, things clearly weren’t going well.

My son says similar things about wanting to smash the world to pieces. It sounds comical to me as I know him, but it does garner strange looks when we’re out and about. At the moment my son is on a bit of a hair-trigger which is very hard to deal with especially at school with a class of 30 other children. I can quite honestly say, I dread the start of each new school year and the new challenges it inevitably throws at us!!

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- B's Dad says:
  
  September 18, 2012 at 10:11 pm
  
  Sorry you had a bad morning. Stay strong. We all need a few days to get back into the swing of things ( says the teacher!)
  
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movingbeyondthelabel says:

September 24, 2012 at 10:02 pm

Although my son is far less verbal than B, we have very similar experiences. H also hates crying babies and children but will also sometimes react to the shrieks and gurgles that they make when they are happy or excited – so I think it’s the pitch rather than the emotion he dislikes. It means that we have to keep a very close eye on him when we’re anywhere near other children, as he will make a sudden lunge if it all gets too much, though like B, he has only carried out the threat a couple of times (usually because we make a hasty retreat). Am a new follower of your blog and, though I’m viewing it from the opposite end of the spectrum, am finding many connections, so thank you.

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- B's Dad says:
  
  September 24, 2012 at 10:20 pm
  
  You’re welcome. Thank you for taking the time to comment. I took a look at your blog and I think you are creating something quite special, both in terms of the way you write and the story you have to tell. Finding the words to describe the experience of raising a child on the spectrum, and conveying their experience, is difficult. I think you have those words, and I look forward to further posts.
  
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sue philcox says:

September 27, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Thank you – that means a lot to me.

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dug4000 says:

April 15, 2013 at 6:52 pm

Thank you for this. My 6-year old ASD son has started waking up angry every day. Everything is “no fair! you’re no fun! I’m leaving! I’m going to break this house!” and today we even got an “I hate you Mommy.” Usually the thing that pulls him out of it is humor, which means we have to keep tabs on what he thinks is funny from week to week. This morning I had to imitate the Swedish Chef from The Muppet Show. It turned his scowl into a smile almost instantly, but he has fill-in aides at school all week, so the next few days may be rough.

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nicole says:

May 22, 2013 at 11:13 am

So it truly isn’t just our house that these outbursts happen! I had such a bad time with my 6 year old autistic daughter today, it made it a little easier reading your blog, the way you write is great, feels like chatting to a friend. Btw, so true about them being ‘contraception’, thanks for making me laugh for the first time today!

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Erik says:

June 17, 2013 at 3:27 pm

An action that is ALTRUISTIC is one which shows an unselfish concern for others, obviously with no material or monetary rewarded.
“Step eleven–sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. 2nd Dynamic FAMILY and children and all other creativity.

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kimberly says:

July 9, 2013 at 8:20 pm

It is very refreshing to read your stories and sorry, know that i am not alone. I have heard a lot of good advice, and hope and pray every day that he learns to deal with his anger. It actually kills me to see him this way. I would change the world for him if i could, but i can not.

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JKLM says:

December 1, 2013 at 11:18 pm

Wait till he is 13 taller than you & becomes stronger in his stages of anger.
My husband has the scratches to prove it.
He becomes incredibley strong & it’s scary when my youngest son is around.
He’s tried to stab me and said “Fuck You” tonight to us for more letting him do something.
Calling his doctor in the morning & hoping we can do something about it.

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Brigitte says:

December 17, 2013 at 3:28 am

It sometimes just feels like too much. My son is now 19 and at a discover employability program, he is so frustrated and seemingly angry all the time…he hates me, hates his siblings, doesn’t like it when I use the work “people”. Wonders out loud if there’s anything else in life but people. He is so negative and has an angry demeanour. Long gone is the happy little boy I remember and long for. At least then he was a wonder, now I sometimes am afraid of the things he says, he’s full grown, will he hurt himself? Others? Me? He is utterly miserable and I don’t know how to help him. He remains on medications prescribed by his psychiatrist, we’ve done months and months of CBT..I never see a smile..it’s so challenging to live with him and his behaviours..as gentle as I can be with him in asking questions or trying to have a “normal” conversation, it always digresses into an intense encounter where I feel he is about to explode…so off he goes to thump around in his room or to walk the neighbourhood…he is tortured and I wish for him to have some peace…

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Margo Speirs says:

August 19, 2014 at 10:38 pm

I am close to tears reading your story. I feel and understand your pain! I have a 13yr old autistic son. He is already on medication for depression, he says life is just to hard & wants to die. He talks of how he will kill himself & how he wont always be here ! It is torture for him some days! I want so much to make the world an easy place for him to live in! There is so many things that r a nightmare for him, i worry he will totally regress into his own world again , opting out of life as he did before. He was so stressed & depressed that he couldnt gets his clothes on, he missed 15months of school, he just wanted his world to include the two of us! It was during this time that he was sent to yorkhill hospital, who i firmly beleived saved both our lives. It is i beleive the most awful & helpless feeling in the world, to watch your child suffering, knowing that the thought of dying for them would be easier than living! My deepest, most terrifing fear, is that 1 dayin the future , he might actually try! & he might actually succeed! I am haunted with this thought! God help him!

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