Well, it’s happened. Three weeks ago B was diagnosed by his paediatrician as being on the autistic spectrum. After a brief observation, a look through the reports on him and a chat with his mom and I, she confirmed that he was autistic (or has autism- I never know how to say it), possibly mild, possibly aspergers.

Although we knew this anyway, it was a suprise to get a diagnosis. In fact, we were in shock. It has taken me three weeks to be able to write about this.

Ahead of the appointment, getting a diagnosis was my main concern, as it could then open up the opportunities for support that we need. I thought I’d be relieved, satisfied, empowered, whatever. But that’s not how I felt. Even though we knew, even though it was just a formality, even though not getting a diagnosis yet would have been unhelpful, it has still come as a major blow.

I think this is because it takes it back to a simple fact- our son has autism. The diagnosis left us reeling, despite all the build up and expectations. It was deeply upsetting and for at least two weeks has been difficult to comprehend. There is a further complication in that he will need to have an MRI scan, following the doctor’s physical examination of him. I have not picked up a book about autism since and could not bring myself to write about it.

Friends at work were pleased that we’d got the diagnosis because they thought I’d be pleased. I did too. Knowing he definitely is autistic has been much more difficult than I thought. My wife has still not told anyone at work and is struggling to come to terms with it. Things have been difficult at home.

In the last week there has been a lot going on in terms of observations and meetings with nursery and school, and this has helped re-focus us after a period of feeling a bit lost and helpless.

Above all, it has only made our love for B stronger. And that’s what really counts. Before the diagnosis, we wanted to be able to help him in every way possible and get all the support we could. At least now that can begin.

This entry was posted in asd, aspergers, autism and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Diagnosis

  1. steph curtis says:

    Hi, just wanted to say ‘hi’ really and that I sympathise. I understand how you feel, although I am of course female so maybe it is always slightly different ;). I should get my OH to come and read this and sympathise with you, but not sure he’s a fan of writing! Anyhow if you check over at my blog, you’ll see we have a 3 year old girl, and whilst we got the diagnosis early and it was more of a shock up front for us, I know exactly what you mean when you say you don’t really want to have had it. I’m grateful for ours as it has meant extra help and a bit of understanding, but at the same time sometimes the truth hurts. But you pick yourself up, dust yourself down and carry on fighting again. Never easy, but they bring us so much joy it’s really worth it I’d say. Good luck!

  2. When I received my son’s diagnosis 3 years ago, it felt like a really blow to me and my husband as well. However, we both reacted very differently. My husband was not only shocked and upset but angry that we received no further support for my son. I on the other hand was relieved that I was no longer the reason for my son’s behaviour but was so upset I was unable to talk about it for months, even to wider family. Things were difficult for us as we both came to terms with the diagnosis in our own ways and in our own time – this isn’t always a shared experience as we all feel things differently. Eventually we did come to terms with it and the diagnosis then became the start of a parenting journey that started to make sense. I’m writing this a month after your initial post so I hope you are both now feeling better about your son’s diagnosis.

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